The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

It can't have been fun to live with somebody whose brain was under siege.

One of the reasons it's so difficult to study the relationship between diet and disease is because many dietary behaviors are associated with non-dietary behaviors.

A great accomplishment shouldn't be the end of the road, just the starting point for the next leap forward.

I like movies that have strong personalities, and Michel Gondry is so creative that his films are always something special to watch.

On any given night, what allows me to get to that higher ground is the audience.

In the sallies of badinage a polite fool shines; but in gravity he is as awkward as an elephant disporting.

[Maxine Waters] was kind enough to join us here at our studios in Washington, D.C., in advance of women's march in Washington in which she will be participating.

I don't want to impose on anyone else and make anyone else emotional or anything. I tend to quietly cry, kind of turn away.

If you have a surreal life like I do, you've got to have fun along the way.

I have a private life in which I do not permit interference. It must be respected.