The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go.The good times had with them are easily forgotten. But best friends stay in your heart forever.

In snow thou comestThou shalt go with resuming groundThe sweet derision of thx crowAnd Glee's advancing sound

Make up your mind!

if you can’t make a joke at a time like this, what’s the point of living?

It’s very easy to capture pictures of jubilant people in the street after the nuclear bomb. But there were no pictures of morose people sitting in their kitchens and living rooms.

I'm just coming out and I'm going to clearly be myself - I write what I feel, I never worry what others think.

I tend to not want to put labels or categories on the music, only because people come with preconceived ideas about what they're going to hear, or won't come for this reason.

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table.

Let's put it this way, I like number seven.

My mom does all the grocery shopping.