The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I hate all sidekicks.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

To be able to live each day with honor, respect and dignity is the greatest achievement of all.

Camp fires, like red, peculiar blossoms, dotted the night.

He that will learn to pray let him to sea.

I can do a good roast with my eyes closed. I'm amazing with gravy. That's my speciality even other people ask me to do gravy at their house. I'm very proud of my gravy.

Force a hand, the voice warned, and it will fight you. But convince a mind to think as you want it to think, and you have an ally.

There are three fashion periods: the past, the present and Mae West.

Set your goal and keep moving forward.

He never said it would be easy, He just said He'd go with me.

I think they thought it was very arrogant of me to write the end of my seven books series when I didn't have a publisher and no-one had heard of me

My father is a liar and so am I. But I’m going to stop. I have to stop. I will tell you my story and I will tell it straight. No lies, no omissions. That’s my promise. This time I truly mean it.