Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

Honey, when you say we can't communicate... what exactly do you mean?

A writer doesn’t solve problems. He allows them to emerge.

One can only ask to play as well as possible the notes one is given.

My healthy blood was powerless to cure the sick blood of my beloved. That was beyond understanding. And so is death.

I'm a believer in what your record is. I am what my record is - some of it good, some of it bad, some of it hard to tell.

There's a whole generation of young people who are faced with the so-called 'jobless recovery.' Necessity is the mother of invention. They are out there, all around the world, creating new companies.

I won't give up till we surrender!

When you dance, your body just wants to find its natural weight. I'm naturally a lot more Tommy Tune than I am Wolverine.

It's really hard to get a book published, even a good book, but the better the book is the better chance it has of eventually catching someone's attention.

Sleep well, and stay where I put you.

There can be no society without poetry, but society can never be realized as poetry, it is never poetic. Sometimes the two terms seek to break apart. They cannot.