Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Enjoy the Life.. until the Energy is in your Life...

The prose, ” Robespierre said. “It’s so clean, no conceits, no show, no wit. He means every word. Formerly, you see, he meant every other word. That was his style.

My most pronounced writing habit is trying not to write.

I don't think the people of the slave states will ever consider the subject of slavery in its true light till some other argument is resorted to other than moral persuasion.

Human wholeness can never be found in the denigration of another

Science is progressing at such a rapid rate that when you make a prediction and think you are ahead of your time by 100 years you may be ahead of your time by 10 at most.

The act, the doing, the taking up of paint and putting it down - the immediate impact upon your psyche or soul that occurs when you do that - has so much danger in it.

Whom God has put asunder, why should man put together?

For the planet's sake, I hope we have bird flu or some other thing that will reduce the population, because otherwise we're doomed.

You should vote for Neoprene Byzantine in the Hot Hundred, they're really sweet guys and that Moscow song is just wow! Hurry guys voting closes really soon mwah!