Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

The process of dying is falling asleep. The process of death is waking up.

Some negative things in life will never change, but try not to let them change you.

Once you become complacent and once you're happy with your performance or whatever it is, I don't think you'll get better as quickly.

I like when the song starts to take over and you feel like you have to dance more than write.

We just don't give in. If you can bend and not break, you always got a chance.

Suffice it to say Cherie Snodgrass and I were good friends a long, long time ago. After Mr Snodgrass confronted my wife, the friendship ended and my marriage remained intact.

I want to be an inspirational model. I want people to look at me and say 'Wow she looks healthy.'

I love those documentaries where everyone is fabulous and always perfect.

Be mindful of clickbait - sensational stories designed to humiliate. Click with compassion.

I've never quit anything in my life.