[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

People Die...Beauty Fades...Love Changes...And You Will Always Be Alone

Use your time to create yourself

How can I tell what I think till I see what I say?

It didn't happen without a selfie. It's good Netiquette to take safe pictures of thy self at events. NetworkEtiquette.net

If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.

You think that when you love somebody you have to totally follow him or her. No, that's not love. When you love somebody, you have to be totally truthful with that person.

I'm a generous host, but I'm a difficult and interfering guest. When I go around to other people's houses and they're cooking, I'm always telling them what to do.

We never do great things without trying.

Successful visionaries start from where they are, what they have, and what their customers have.

Paul Ryan's love for Rage Against The Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades