Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything.

Christ offers something for nothing: He even offers everything for nothing.

Where were you born?" "On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered. "No, no. In what state were you born?" "In a state of innocence.

We were never meant to be baby, we just happened

I did the Broadway album unfortunately in a year when there were no hits.

As an audience member and as an actor I much prefer to find ambiguity.

The truth is black celebrities are not as sought after in the press as white celebrities, and that is comforting.

At the end of the day, bin Laden's interest is not Washington and New York, it's the Middle East. He wants Saudi Arabia. He wants to get rid of the House of Saud.

I love playing three, four times a week. That's what I've always wanted to do. In college we played Friday, Saturday, then had the whole week to think about it.