Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

Old age isn't a battle old age is a massacre.

I think we cannot have a double standard. We cannot see our art as different from the reality. We cannot use two different sets of judgment.

You will regret many things in life but you will never regret being too kind or too fair.

The fun thing about doing origin stories is you are introducing the audience to characters.

The curse of the sun and the moon is fake. It doesn't exist.

Not their love of humanity, but the impotence of their love, prevents the Christians of today - burning us.

I am not afraid of death threats, but I am appalled that so many people are capable of so much wrong spelling and fractured grammar!

We must do everything we can to be more aggressive in confronting Syria about what they are doing in Iraq.

My favorite muscle to train is TRICEPS! Always has been my stongest muscle group as well.