Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

When we forgive, we're telling our heart that we are ready to move on.

For me, campaigning and good business is also about putting forward solutions, not just opposing destructive practices or human rights abuses.

We are too prone to engrave our trials in marble and write our blessings in sand.

Give as few orders as possible," his father had told him once long ago. "Once you've given orders on a subject, you must always give orders on that subject.

Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.

The red Sahara in an angry glow, / With amber fogs, across its hollows trailed / Long strings of camels, gloomy-eyed and slow.

Of course, this is a heuristic, which is a fancy way of saying that it doesn't work.

You have been hiding so long aimlessly drifting in the sea of my love Even so You have always been connected to me Connected, revealed in the known in the unmanifest I am life itself

I believe art should be an integral part of life. I try to give my work an almost magical energy that makes the viewer feel good.

My current works are abstracts cunningly disguised as landscapes. It is the Canadian way.