Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I say, flawless poems do not exist.

Love your calling with passion, it is the meaning of your life.

There can be no lasting peace, no security, nor can we as human beings begin to touch our full potential, as long as hunger overwhelms the human spirit around this planet.

If only we could see the value of one soul like God does.

My experience is that you can't possibly win against whatever the tidal wave is that's coming at you.

Your genetics load the gun. Your lifestyle pulls the trigger.

Where there is no compassion, crime increases.

I was always pretty good at adapting to my situations. My act was never that inside, where it was like, "Okay, they're either going to get this or they're not."

I believe in the separation of church and state, but I do not believe in the separation of politics from religion.

The trick to balance is to not make sacrificing important things become the norm.