President Obama contends that charges he is "not really an American" have been trumped up by you-know-who.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

How do you start you ask? You start by starting.

Most quarrels amplify a misunderstanding.

Being in jail is difficult too because it's like being in a graveyard, you can't do much.

If football wasn't a part of my life, there were three things that could have happened, and they were all bad. I would have likely been selling drugs, in jail or dead.

I'm incredibly proud of 'Life On Mars' and 'Doctor Who.' They're just a blast to do.

But the thing is, I was never looking at a strategic way of gaining fame. That's not why I'm doing this.

There can be no substitute for work, neither affection nor physical well-being can replace it.

The English are very proud of their Parliament, and week in, week out, century after century, they have pretty good cause to be.

If you give up because you announce the phenomenon cannot be explained, you are missing out.

Madison Square Garden sounds like crap.