People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they're brilliant at writing jokes, and I'm not.

I'm enjoying the opportunity that Parks And Recreation affords me to exploit my own soapbox agenda, which is to try to encourage people to make things with their hands.

I grew up in a small town in Illinois, and my dad was a basketball coach. Thanks to him, I have excellent fundamentals in both basketball and baseball.

I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.

If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.

Follow your gut, make a choice, and throw yourself into it. If you make a mistake, then you have merely afforded yourself a valuable lesson.

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?

Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

No matter who you are, or what side of the tracks society thinks you are from, if you wake up wanting to write, then do what you must to write.

Linnaeus and Cuvier have been my two gods, though in very different ways, but they were mere schoolboys to old Aristotle.

If there's any time you should be on drugs it's when you're pregnant, cause it sucks.

I speak African. I can even speak Italian.

Time is not measured by the passing of years but by what one does, what one feels, and what one achieves.

Hatred is so lasting and stubborn, that reconciliation on a sickbed certainly forebodes death.

My dream is to empower myself with education, and then it is a weapon.

Don't corral me, and I'll always come home. Just let me go out and play during the day.

My individuality is my gift to my people.

In a sense I'm glad that I've never learned how to paint.