On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

He slides into second with a stand-up double.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.

An unjust peace is better than a just war.

When he was rough, my body soared. When he was gentle, he slayed me.

The pink-haired boy is scared, so incredibly scared - only the thing you've most wished for can scare you in that way.

In all human affairs there are efforts there are results and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result.

Praying for revival equates to blaming God for the condition of your local church.

Good ideas are common - what's uncommon are people who will work hard enough to bring them about.

When we can sing in the face of death, we can sing in the face of anything.

It is, indeed, one of the capital tragedies of youth-and youth is the time of real tragedy-that the young are thrown mainly with adults they do not quite respect.

Confidence quickly curdles into arrogance; smarts turn to smugness, charm turns to smarm.

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.