Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man but it would deteriorate the cat.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Sometimes it's easier to go on living, not even knowing who you are, when at least you know precisely where you are while you go on not knowing.

Her voice was caught in the shell of my ear, as if it were the ocean.

The ear tends to be lazy craves the familiar and is shocked by the unexpected the eye on the other hand tends to be impatient craves the novel and is bored by repetition.

You don't want your kids to hear songs of this nature... But you take em to the movies to watch Schwarzenegger!

Spinsterhood is Nature's Own Feminism.

There are managers so preoccupied with their e-mail messages that they never look up from their screens to see what's happening in the nondigital world

Good manners make any man a pleasure to be with. Ask any woman.

God is an idea that people believe in and I spend time arguing with people that subscribe to that idea(man made idea).

I don't think much of anything I wrote before the age of 30.

I'm just a survivor from the train wreck of the modern world.