My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

Everything but a life can be replaced.

Fear is the venom impact of predator sting, causing prey not to be focus on the survival.

Stop playing with your food.Laurent to James

The axis of the earth sticks out visibly through the centre of each and every town or city.

If I had had success when I was early twenties I'm sure I would have lost my mind, I would've just partied like crazy and probably blown everything I had.

Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.

To him who looks upon the world rationally, the world in its turn presents a rational aspect. The relation is mutual.

Listen to me, Frankenstein. You accuse me of murder; and yet you would, with a satisfied conscience, destroy your own creature. Oh, praise the eternal justice of man!

There's so much else to do in the world. To just be interested in doing films would limit my life.

That's what the world is like: people talk as if they knew everything, but ifyou dare to ask a question, they don't know anything.