Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Accidents happen all the time.

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.

Divorce is a declaration of independence with only two signers.

No-one wants to see anybody fail in life.

Part of that is that New York has proved to be too much fun for me to live and work; I love New York so much.

I have a friend of mine who does me on his answering machine, and when I call him, I answer. It's pretty strange.

Afflictions clarify the soul; And like hard masters, give more hard directions, Tutoring the non-age of uncurbed affections.

It is the minority that has stood in the vain of every moral conflict, and achieved all that is noble in the history of the world.

Gladys.. work has kept you fit And Bill.. you never moan Well life's not for carrying cases With a butler of your own

I'm trying to think if there was ever the Lenny Bruce-y, observational, George Carlin kind of magician: "You know what I hate is ..." I don't think that ever existed.

It's motivation. Some people are gifted at specific things, but I had to develop. The thing I'm most talented at is the ability to learn.

Be thou what thou singly art and personate only thyself. Swim smoothly in the stream of thy nature and live but one man.