John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

PLEASE and THANK YOU...two polite phrases which are slowly disappearing from our vocabulary.

To be modest in speaking truth is hypocrisy. TM-ST-95

I wear glasses, have a big scar, I sing loud, and I am blond. I'm sorry!

I have to have an emergency phone number in case anything happens

Nobody ever warned me about mirrors, so for many years I was fond of them, and believed them to be trustworthy. . .

Poetry is a religion without hope. The poet exhausts himself in its service, knowing that, in the long run, a masterpiece is nothing but the performance of a trained dog on very shaky ground.

If you want to help a hungry poor man sleeping on the bench, don't ever wake him up; put some food on the bench, put some money and leave the place without looking at your back!

In tragedy great men are more truly great than in history. We see them only in the crises which unfold them.

Scars are wisdom in disguise.

I never see a sign Licensed to sell spirits without thinking that it is a license to ruin souls.