Ive been doing stand-up since I was 15 years old.

You would not believe how much time people waste in a day. And how little time they put into things they genuinely love.

If 'Airplane!' comes on, it's like a comfort film. You can always guarantee a laugh watching that movie.

Sometimes I play guitar like a frustrated drummer.

'Jerry Springer' is just kind of the chubby, redneck version of throwing Christians to the lions.

If you take anything I say with any seriousness whatsoever, go study Yang style tai chi. It will make you live longer.

Truth be told, ginormous portions have become a pet peeve of mine.

I'm a futurist. Technology is our way out of almost every problem we have. Technology can create a new sense of community.

It's better to waste money than time. You can always get more money.

I noticed a lot of guitar players neglected the rhythm part of rhythm guitar and decided I would try to focus in that.

I'm a writer, so I like dissecting things.

What are you staring at?""Rain drops on window glass is a sort of love-bite, is it not?

It is vain to expect our prayers to be heard if we do not strive as well as pray.

At moments we are all artists.

I believe that I am God's exact intention. It's that balance of virtue and vice.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

The richness of an artist is the fusion of influences that have shaped his life and work.

I love comics. All I've been doing is reading every day, sitting in the house. Because I've not been feeling too good, so I've been reading and reading.

True joy results when we become aware of our connectedness to everything.

Time goes from present to past.

The nuts and bolts of shooting a film and writing a film are still really difficult. But what makes it easier is the fact that you know you're going to go to work with your best mate.