All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

It isn't every day an ex decides to haunt us.

Sometimes there is such beauty in awkwardness.

We can only get to God through God. Every other possible avenue is a dead-end before it even starts.

It is justice, not charity, that is wanting in the world!

If there is no justice in a country, who can claim that, that country is a country? An injustice country is just a rubbish bin!

My fans are buying the DNA of Dave.

Great witch, tough woman.

Nothing's occurring in animation - you manufacture everything.

I think for a young journalist, it's better to write for the Web at the moment than it is for print

It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice.