In my lifetime I've been to bed with men, women, and odd pieces of furniture.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.

Heroism of your father doesn't make you a hero, heroism of you doesn't make your son a hero.

Your development as a person should coincide with your development in all aspects of your life.

On any given day, my daughters would snuggle in bed with my wife and me. We just hug and kiss each other. We laugh out loud and act completely silly. I stop and think to myself, "This is love."

When a drop of water touches a drop of water there is no holding back - it joins. Water responds to water. Your being responds to what is the same, outside of you, as your own being.

I thought for a minute, and then I got heavy, heavy boots.

My mind is filled with cataclysm and apocalypse. I wish for earthquakes, eruptions, flood.

I just try to get on anyway that I can, hit, hit-by-pitch, walk, home runs, anything.

If you're asking me where my heart and where I'm happy is, I love playing with Tom Brady. I love being coached by Bill Belichick.

Democrats, overpaid celebrities, the mainstream media that are so lazy, they are willing to endanger your lives, gamble with your life to try and score cheap political points!