In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

I couldn’t love you for who you are because you showed me who you truly wanted to be, and I loved her more.

She had stumbled on what was possibly the ultimate truth, the greatest wisdom of all - the search for knowledge never ends. It goes on and on forever.

While grief is fresh every attempt to divert it only irritates.

We do this for the art, not the adulation. I'd rather our music get liked and we get ignored. I don't want to be adored for anything other than the music.

The worst scientist is he who is not an artist; the worst artist is he who is no scientist.

Religion is the resolute following of the star of hope through triumphs and tragedies of time.

There is only one thing which interests me vitally now, and that is the recording of all that which is omitted in books

Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.

I am in favor of preserving the French habit of kissing the hands of ladies. After all one must start somewhere.

There is so much we can learn from TV. It's a window on the world.