If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, it's a victory.

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.

Marriage is when two people are joined together to become one desperately boring person.

Running is never fun. Running is something that you do when there's a man chasing you with a knife.

Football is the best way to get to know a people and a city.

As believers, we each have a different essence of existence

Vocation is different from talent. One can have vocation and not have talent

I don't believe in an 'all-about-me' culture. It's about the group.

Entertainment alleviates the fear of life, but art vanquishes the fear of death

I have ever hated all nations, professions, and communities, and all my love is toward individuals.

I see the world through my eyes. It's sometimes a strange world.

Satan has no power over us except what we allow. Moment by moment, decision by decision, step by step - will we operate in God's all powerful Truth or allow Satan to entangle us in his lies?

Astrology is not an art, it is a disease.

[In politics] when A goes after B and there's a C, and D and a Q all lined up there, you have no idea who's going to be the beneficiary.

Money, horse racing and women: three things the boys just can't figure out.