If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.

What is a woman's greatest virtue?Patience.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

All rent is based on the monopoly power of private owners of certain portions of the globe.

You are so close, and I can’t reach you.

I'm totally engaging in cultural stereotyping, no question about it. But I think it's OK because I'm doing it for a reason, for a good reason.

I got an excellent opportunity to learn and understand democratic values early on. And it shook me. This played a significant role in making me what I am.

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull.

I think people kind of come in who they are, and it sort of doesn't even matter who their parents are - it can affect you a little bit, and you can be guided and shaped.

Success comes to those that dare to dream dreams and are foolish enough to try and make them come true.