If an earthquake were to engulf England tomorrow, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubbish, just to celebrate the event.

The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.

Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she laughs with a harvest.

After all there is something about a wedding-gown prettier than in any other gown in the world.

A man never so beautifully shows his own strength as when he respects a woman's softness.

He is one of those wise philanthropists who, in a time of famine, would vote for nothing but a supply of toothpicks.

A coquette is like a recruiting sergeant, always on the lookout for fresh victims.

Quality, not quantity, is my measure.

Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.

A man is in no danger so long as he talks his love; but to write it is to impale himself on his own pothooks.

Grumblers deserve to be operated upon surgically; their trouble is usually chronic.

For love was a kind of folly, a losing game. The greatest of all Wastes of Time. But then, that depended on what you thought time was for.

Every day's a negotiation and sometimes it's done with guns.

When I have a mission, it gives me something to focus on.

You are younger today than you ever will be again. Make use of it for the sake of tomorrow.

I make jokes because humor is the greatest healing factor that there is.

Even if I set out to make a film about a fillet of sole, it would be about me.

The goal of the future is full unemployment, so we can play. That's why we have to destroy the present politico-economic system.

I loved painting and drawing for many reasons. One of them was that all it really required was me, a pencil and a pad. It was something I was passionate about, and still am.

Just think how many thoughts a blanket smothers while one lies alone in bed, and how many unhappy dreams it keeps warm.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.