If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Art is in the eye of the beholder, and everyone will have their own interpretation.

Nothing short of the end of the world would get our eco-conscious techies to toss their latest gadgets onto the street.

Happiness is a direction, not a place.

I can never tell what I'm doing when I'm in the middle of publication because I have no confidence. I have terrible self-esteem, along with boundless narcissism.

I think it is manmade. I think it's clearly manmade.

There can be no absolute reality, there can be no absolute truth.

Everything in the world of things and animals is still filled with happening, which you can take part in.

Unless you really stand for something, people aren't motivated to go out and vote for you.

Choosing succulence is a deliberate act of personal revolution. It means waking up! Embracing your true self, studying your patterns, and letting out your most alive self. We all have one.