If I'm successful in fooling a wire service, I don't really have to do anything else to promote the story.

It is the fool who thinks he cannot be fooled.

Most important to any fake story is a plausible, realistic edge with a satirical twist that is topical.

Any deviation is looked upon as a perversion, is feared, and is usually a target of hatred and prejudice.

We function in a pack mentality. This is our tribe. And this is how we are exploited - sold a bill of goods and a household of products.

The media is not just the message. The media is a massage. We're constantly being stroked, manipulated, adjusted, realigned, and manoeuvered.

When I create a false reality, I always try to create a plausible structure to help convince people.

What do we believe? Why do we believe it?

My challenge as a satirical artist is how to present ideas to people to enable them to question and reexamine their beliefs. My hope is, that my work provokes people to look at things in a new way.

I created hoaxes. I confronted and challenged the majority opinion. I attacked, humiliated, and criticized the voice of the corporate mainstream media.

Any journalist worth his or her salt wouldn't trust me.

Where there are no changes there is no life. A plant has to change to bloom.

In the balance of my professional life, I've had the privilege of the working as a practicing lawyer and teacher.

If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one.

Think of business as a good game. Lots of competition and a minimum of rules. You keep score with money.

Individual statistics, plate time and everything tend to come, but the most enjoyment I get out of baseball is actually winning.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

WANT shows up in conversation - EXPECTATION shows up in behavior.

I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

You can't help being young, but it's past time that you stopped being stupid.

What should a man do but be merry? For look you how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within's two hours.