I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them.

Chicago - a pompous Milwaukee.

He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front.

History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.

Book - what they make a movie out of for television.

Only the dead have no troubles.

A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000.

A doctor is a man licensed to make grave mistakes.

Life is life. You choose to live it or you do not.

Conversations between friends are the craziest and funniest of all.

But if you happen to be a man, sometime in the future, and you've made it this far, please remember: you will never be subjected to the temptation of feeling you must forgive, a man, as a woman.

Take time to define your own goals and stay focused on achieving them. You're your own competition.

I'm getting a little fed up with hearing about, oh, civilian casualties. I think we ought to nuke North Korea right now just to give the rest of the world a warning.

A truce to idle phrases!

Revenge is for the weak so I have settled my vendettas with all of the kids who made my early life a living hell.

It is the place of feeling that binds us or frees us.

Efforts to preserve all industries will lower the national standard of living.

I'm an eternal realist and the success rate for being an actor is pretty low.