I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

Two thongs don't make a right.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!

We have now sunk to a depth at which restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men.

We are the royal children of God, and He is always busy doing what He knows is best for us. But we must ensure that our frequent thoughts and beliefs aren't going against our true destiny.

This year I hope to introduce legislation that would require Power Administrations to list direct and indirect costs associated with ESA compliance as a line item on customer's power bills.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

Nothing is so swift as calumny, nothing is more easily propagated, nothing more readily credited, nothing more widely circulated.

My strengths make me contemptuous. My weaknesses make me charitable.

To succeed in comedy you ultimately have to put in the hours and get lucky - The amount of people who are able to break through is so small a fraction of the amount of people trying.

The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness.

I was an actor in Japan and I'm a regular on about three shows. I'm grateful for all of it. My personal activities like that help Big Bang as a whole as well.

You cannot have an advanced economy while holding women back from the workplace.