I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

My mom FedExes a red velvet cake she makes from scratch to me every birthday.

My motive has always been just to be who I am, and play what I love- if that doesn't get me anywhere then at least it wasn't because I tried to be something I'm not.

Even after the observation of the frequent conjunction of objects, we have no reason to draw any inference concerning any object beyond those of which we have had experience.

Never underestimate the power of a shoe.

Many fortunes, like rivers, have a pure source, but grow muddy as they grow large.

Love is like the measles; the older you are when it hits you, the harder it takes. Cheer up, you won't die of it.

We butchered the force present at the airport, we are destroying them.

Mixing is figuring out what is essential to the moment and subordinating everything else

The praise of ancient authors proceeds not from the reverence of the dead, but from the competition and mutual envy of the living.

If someone needs help, I can offer advice. I'm not always right and people don't always listen.