I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Any food that refuses to digest in your body is unwanted for your health

Malice drinks one-half of its own poison.

The truth is balance. However the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie.

If you feel yourself to be above the mass, speak so as to raise the mass to the height of your argument.

They're the problems of poverty, of the rights of the individual, of the changes brought about by technology. They're the ones that count, more than religion!

I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.

The truth is, I need to experience my mother's presence in the world around me and not just in my head.

Mother Teresa was the very embodiment of saintliness: white-clad, sad-eyed, ascetic and often photographed with the wretched of the earth.

Don't magnify your problems, magnify your God...he's got you covered.

If you live in the same small place long enough, something you don't like is bound to happen