I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, “WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?” The end kind of trailed off in a shrill, choking warble.

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

To this day I don’t know if he was struggling with the moral implications of gunning down half a dozen civilians, or if he was mentally counting to see if he had that many shells left in the gun.

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It’ll be time to start a Web site soon, where you’ll type out everything in one huge paragraph.

Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that—

... life is a flickering candle we all carry around. A gust of wind, a meaningless accident, a microsecond of carelessness, and it's out. Forever.

You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy

I'm scared David""That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of

True prayer is pleading with God for that which He wants to do anyway.

Charity. To love human beings in so far as they are nothing. That is to love them as God does.

Good, better, best. Never let it rest. 'Til your good is better and your better is best.

I never met a winner who had a work ethic. Not somebody who says I have so much talent that naturally I won.

Look for a tree stump in the woods. Compare it to love.

The biggest obstacle to people becoming better is that you have to really want to be a good person in order to be a better person, and most people would rather be other things.

We need to figure out how to have the things we love, and not destroy the world.

Rene, you want us to find you-don't-know-who and to retrieve his you-don't-know-what for you-won't-tell-me-whom?

My brief flash of relief and confidence melted away. Good thing it did, too. I'm sure the world would come to an end if I were allowed to feel a sense of relief and well-being for any length of time.

You ought to try eating raw oysters in a restaurant with every eye focused upon you - it makes you feel as if the creatures were whales, your fork a derrick and your mouth Mammouth Cave.