I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

All things are possible if you believe...

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing

All you do out of selfish reasons is a waste

I am a kid. I'll always be a girl at heart.

Nobody knows [who they are] because when [terrorists] are dead and they are killed, they don't have any ID.

In fact, the Harvard study data indicates that 70 percent of African American children attend schools that are predominately African American, about the same level as in 1968 when Dr. King died.

My work is about making candy for the eyes. It's about grabbing your attention.

I read comic books and stuff but I didn't know a lot about it.

Style, in the broadest sense of all, is consciousness. More specifically it is a consistent idiom arising spontaneously from the personality but deliberately maintained.

Hide not thy poison with such sugar'd words