I tell my friends married life is boring, but that's just a fun thing to say to make single people feel better.

A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit!

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'.

I don't believe in email. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.

Follow your instincts and do not let other people's opinion of you become your opinion of yourself.

It's like the riddle of the Sphinx... why are there so many great unmarried women, and no great unmarried men?

Balls are to men what purses are to women.

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.

People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.

I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies. Two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together - like chocolate and peanut butter.

Do not invest time and money into yourself to have others completely destroy it!

People underestimate the impact of a new reality.

The deadliest feeling that can be offered to a woman is pity.

I wasn't born into land or titles, or new money, or an oil rig.

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do succeed.

The greenhorn is the ultimate victor in everything; it is he that gets the most out of life.

If parents had children who were good sleepers, they assumed this was due to their good parenting, not good luck.

When we are foolish God intervenes.

The child who was happy with herself meant the parents had won the jackpot.

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.