I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

This world is your world but that doesn't mean you can always stop it from burning.

We change whether we like it or not.

I think sometimes there are negative connotations for those who have a business mind as well as a creative side.

If you can convince yourself that you look fabulous, you can save yourself the trouble of primping.

Doubt that there could ever be...a more wicked MC. 'Cuz AIDS infested child molesters aren't sicker than me.

A nation's strength is found not in the number of its laws but in the character of its people.

When you're growing up you need your parents, but you don't want to be associated with them because you're trying to have your own life.

I was born on this mountain, this mountains my home, she holds me and keeps me from worry and woe.

No amount of intelligence can save you from stupidity.

I've learned that almost anyone will help if you ask for it.