I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.

No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.

Umpiring is best described as the profession of standing between two seven-year olds with one ice cream cone.

The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.

Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.

Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.

Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.

One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.

Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.

Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.

If it's true you learn from your mistakes, Jim Frey will be the best manager ever

In a way, I was safe writing

Boredom is restlessness of the soul. It is an internal message reminding you that you're better than the stagnancy you've settled for.

I hope that anyone I worked with wouldn't exploit our relationship.

Difficulties are made to be overcome ~ Miss Felicity Lemon, Agatha Christie's Poirot: The Plymouth Express

Tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11.

The Lourie Center eases the burden of children and their families through early intervention and diagnoses and treatment.

Living submerged at the bottom of an ocean of air.

You know, I'm allowed to f--king date, I haven't seen this guy in three years. We're in the middle of a divorce. For a woman, she has to wait. For a man, who cares? That's what it's painted as.

I love pop music, but I love pop music that does something a little bit different.

The future will show whether my foresight is as accurate now as it has proved heretofore.