Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.

No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.

Umpiring is best described as the profession of standing between two seven-year olds with one ice cream cone.

The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.

Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.

Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.

One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.

Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.

Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.

I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.

If it's true you learn from your mistakes, Jim Frey will be the best manager ever

You have to accept the situation to be able to change it.

Find a unique path and make a successful journey over there! This is the way to have a unique place in the history!

I enjoy being recognized. I'll be very sad if people stop recognizing me. I'll be very sad if I'm not interviewed, because that's a very amazing process.

Never suffer youth to be an excuse for inadequacy, nor age and fame to be an excuse for indolence.

My age is getting up there, but that doesn't mean my play has to diminish.

Do not be afraid of mistakes, provided you do not make the same one twice.

Writers ought to be regarded as wrongdoers who deserve to be acquitted or pardoned only in the rarest cases: that would be a way to keep books from getting out of hand.

ah, you always go for the ones who don't really want you

I mention this only to shew that the citations of the most judicious authors frequently deceive us, and consequently that prudence obliges us to examine quotations, by whomsoever alleged.

Clean energy is hippy power. But its also cowboy power, it's rancher power, it's Appalachian power.