I'm like a sack of potatoes, to be abused at will.

Don't jack off a cactus, you'll only hurt your hand and the cactus' feelings

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts.

The one thing about Billie is he will snap and rip your head off if you point anything out at all other than how beautiful he is and how nice he looks today.

I wish people would turn off their computers, go outside, talk to people, touch people, lick people, enjoy each other's company and smell each other on the rump

Life is like breakfast: you just mix all ingredients 'cause in your stomach it will all come together.

Punk rock has become another viable art form. It always was. But now it's like everyone's doing it.

I've matured, maybe, but not grown up.

I'm not exactly sure how many kids I have, but yes, I do miss them officially, for the record. In case any of them are listening, I love you.

I'm a drummer. I can count to four and repeat.

I never completed high school and I am very rich and very successful.

Even if everybody says it’s impossible, with determination, there is always something you can do. The last thing is to give up without trying.

I awoke with an insatiable desire to end my life.

The guaranteed cure for heartbreak: find pain that’s much, much worse.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Caveat emptor is the only motto going, and the worst proverb that ever came from the dishonest stony-hearted Rome.

It is a queer thing, but imaginary troubles are harder to bear than actual ones.

I never met a lasagna I didn't like

If you are not with me, you are against me. I have no mercy for my enemies.

If God is playing hide and seek with us, I must confess that I am quite bored with this childish game!