I like to read my diary occasionally to remind myself what a miserable, alienated old sod I used to be.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

We need to retrain our brains, our hearts, and our wills to seek a comfort that truly satisfies.

...when you're broken, everything gets a little honester - you make mistakes and don't give a damn - you give up on perfection, but get real...

Anyone who would rejoice to see someone else live a life of destruction is also, living an unrighteous life.

He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword ... unless he's a general.

I think piracy is a bit like drinking. You want to stay out all night doing it, you pay the price the next day.

The possibilities of prayer are found in its allying itself with the purposes of God for God's purposes and man's praying are the combination of all potent and omnipotent forces.

On game shows, some people will take the trip to France, but most people will take the washer and dryer pair.

The secret for an artist is to make that a subject and not bang your head against the wall and give up. But to turn it into and treat the new subject matter, which is one's own vanishing.

But you come to a point in your life when you can't pull the trigger anymore.

When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?