I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Am I on your walk of shame? You did sleep with the right MacGregor, didn’t you?

You can never know enough about your characters

I find that when I think I am asking God to forgive me I am often in reality. . . asking Him not to forgive me but to excuse me.

I went into acting because I'm easily bored. Acting seemed to give vent to a lot of different feelings.

I want to lead people toward finding hope through the purity and healing power of metal.

The world is like a broken wrist that healed the wrong way, and will never be the same again.

It is the privilege of true genius, And especially genius who opens up a new path, To make great mistakes with impunity

Most of us would rather risk catastrophe than read the directions.

Ronald Reagan gave our party a bowling alley image as opposed to a country club image. We were talking to people who go bowling on Thursday night, and they were understanding what we were saying.

Every dictatorship has ultimately strangled in the web of repression it wove for its people, making mistakes that could not be corrected because criticism was prohibited.