I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

The guarding angel is the spirit of light.

All right, we need a way to get into the palace. Any ideas?""Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

The genius of religions is that they structure the inner life.

Because history is only an aggregate of personal hostilities, personal prejudices, personal blindness and irrationality, there are times when we have to live against it.

I grew up beyond proud - we didnt have much, but we had a lot of love.

To feel, and think, and learn - learn always: surely that is being alive and young in the real sense

Foreign aid is a method by which the United States maintains a position of influence and control around the world

What do babies dream of? She must be dreaming of the before-life, just as I dream of the afterlife.

My mantra is always, "Take a nap first, Matt! Then think." It's silly, but it works.

I went from living with my parents, to being signed out of high school. I have never, not had a boss, or someone else responsible for me. It is really cool as an artist to have that freedom.