I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.

My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.

We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?

Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.

I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.

The older the friendship, the stronger the trust.

Own your own dreams

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

Practice what you preach. Don't be a staggering image of the same shame you place upon others. Live, love, be free. Most of all be real.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

If you can't,can't be yourself what are you living for? If you can't, can't be yourself you're gonna lose it all

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience.

Death by hanging... I deserved it and I expected it, as I've always told you. I am glad that I have had the chance to defend myself and to think things over in the last few months.

He seems to me to be headed for his ideal fate, which is compulsive psychosis dashed with a jigger of psychopathic irresponsibility and violence

I think it is important for someone like me to not run away from who I am but embrace it. LGBT people across the country need to know they have a friend in Congress.