We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.

My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.

Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.

I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.

If parents want “success stories” to share at gatherings they should provide themselves with those, and they should not use their children for that purpose.

Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse.

Children are the keys of paradise.

It was 1975. I had spent the year at the Boston Museum School doing some very bizarre performance works. The last one included going to the North Magnetic Pole and spending all of my money.

If we are not able to fix the Lord firmly in our hearts, even a lifetime of temple-going does not do us any good.

Love is the first ingredient in the relief of suffering.

Celibacy is not a matter of compulsion. Someone is accepted as a priest only when he does it of his own accord.

You're not a historian, but most historians will tell you that they make very discrete judgment as to what facts to omit in order to make their book into some shape, some length that can be managed.

The road to hell is paved with the pursuit of volume. Volume leads to marginal products, marginal customers, and greatly increased managerial complexity.

I never owned a pair of blue jeans until I met my second wife.