I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears.

Don’t lose heart. Every disappointment is an awakening.

We are your friends. It is the law of friendship that you tell us things you don’t want to tell us.

Depending on where my self-confidence was, growing up, I would use humor either to bring people closer, or to keep them away from certain feelings I had.

No person who can read is ever successful at cleaning out an attic.

I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.

If I meet my ideal woman, I want to get married straight away. And start making a world of just the two of us.

This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.

Whether it's friendship or love. The essence of is two people trying to share something. When I think of how I met my best friends, it was always like love at first sight.

Arthur Scargill is the Labour movements nearest equivalent to a First World War General.