I hate Illinois Nazis.

I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.

Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

We’re on a mission from God.

We don't need no stinking badges!

On stage is the only place where I really know what I'm doing.

In your 20s, you feel like you're indestructible...In your 30s, you think...I'll be around here a little longer, so I'm going to take better care of myself.

Christ. Seven years of college down the drain.

I give so much pleasure to so many people. Why can I not get some pleasure for myself?

Some comedians love their characters. I don't fall in love with mine. In fact, I get tired of them very fast. You have to be willing to throw it all away.

The only thing standing between you and your dreams is ... reluctance.

Some say one thing and do another. Others say one thing and do it just for spite. I say far too much and do whatever the hell I want.

Every travel is a blessed adventure.

It's ONLY with a NEW MINDSET and SWIFT Action that you can span the gap between WHO and WHERE you are, and WHO and WHERE/WHAT you want to BE, DO and HAVE

It is better to burn than to disappear.

The automobile is technologically more sophisticated than the bundling board, but the human motives in their uses are sometimes the same.

I'm the No. 1 developer in New York, I'm the biggest in Atlantic City, and maybe we'll keep it that way.

Besides, when not hard at work with this research, I'm actually conducting a side experiment on how cigarettes and gin increase charisma. As you might guess, the results are looking very promising.

It's no accident that I'm not married and don't have kids yet.

See your weakness as a reason to pray the more, it should not be the reason for sadness or to abandon your post.