I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

What are you hiding? Is it something from others, or from yourself. Find your truth. The more you show up, the more you'll be found.

Then I closed my eyes.That was it. That was Before. Now here we go into After.

It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.

Let the mind contemplate, let the pen scribble, the oeuvre would be eccentric, peculiar to a reader's eye.

Listen, I have a great affection and respect for Joe Biden. I think he's been a great vice president. He's taken on a lot of tough assignments for our administration.

The thing I like most about books is that anybody can afford them. They have an innate valuelessness.

I've resolved so many things in my life. I like the idea of showing that you can go through a lot and still be on your feet, still be working, and still be positive about life.

It is worth thought what kind of mind or condition or disposition is open to flattery; for poison would not be spread if the rats ate it not.

I don't know what a monopoly is until somebody tells me.

If any one phrase could gather its (religion's) universal message, that phrase would be, - All is not vanity in this Universe, whatever the appearances may suggest.