I don't know what Tracy Morgan does on stage, but I can assure you it's no act.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

Up is never where you are now.

I just play intuitively and work the same way in the studio. I don't have any magical effects or anything that helps me to get my particular sound.

We're not motivated by money. We are into this thing that we're building.

There's no doubt that I owe a lot to my training of stage acting.

Our military plans should be based on the assumption of unpredictability, rather than on carefully drawn, static models of the world.

Although it may not be a castle, [it is the] functional equivalent of a hotel room, a vacation and retirement home or a hunting and fishing cabin.

Two of the biggest conversational blunders you can make are saying something when you should stay silent, and staying silent when you should say something.

When your consciousness becomes a still mirror, a still lake, a silent reservoir of energy, God is reflected in it.

A great idea is not enough.

Cigarettes, I won't do cigarettes, nicotine will kill ya.