I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?

I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

You're the light in my darkness

Early on, when my wife and I were dating, we went to the grocery store, and I told her that sometimes I just buy birthday cakes, and I eat them. And she said: 'Really? I do, too.'

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

We recognize the reality of the marketplace. We're fighting to win, and that's what we're going to do. This is not the time to hide.

We all make basic assumptions about things in life, but sometimes those assumptions are WRONG. We must never trust in what we assume, only in what we KNOW.

There is only one path to Heaven. On Earth, we call it Love.

If we allow our self-congratulatory adoration of technology to distract us from our own contact with each other, then somehow the original agenda has been lost.

It's really, really, really difficult to have the same occupation as the person you're with - especially when you're both actors.

There are two kinds of imperialists - imperialists and bloody imperialists.

One of the things Thich Nhat Hanh taught me: he says, "When you're in a hurry, go slower." That works every time, unless you're trying to catch a plane.