I can sing as well as Fred Astaire can act.

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.

When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.

Money doesn't buy happiness. It buys great hookers - but not happiness.

All you really have in the end are your stories.

The best way not to fail again is to be absolutely positive that when you do it this time, you're going to do it right.

If you hold on to things long enough, they get back into style. Like me.

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.

I can tell a young person where the mines are, but he's probably going to step on them anyway.

You're not a man until your father says you're a man.

If you hang onto something long enough, it will come back in style.. Like ME.

I also realized by the way he actually cared that I could hurt him, really hurt him, if I wanted to. That's a power no one should ever realize. It's toxic.

And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.

Christmas in L.A. is weird. There's no snow. It's not even cold.

Why should I talk to you? I don't know where you're from.

I didn't want to call and schedule shows or call and make people listen to my music. Luckily, my friends and family really stayed on me and made me put myself out there.

The earth incites the wonder and admiration of man even though he is imperfect and his understanding greatly limited.

In almost the same way you know what your grandmother looks and sounds like, you know what Bruce Willis looks and sounds like.

Surprising, I know. Everyone thinks I'm older.

Getting married is like putting one's hand in a bag containing 99 serpents and one eel.

I think any classical training in the theatre is of enormous value.