I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon.

I'm enjoying the opportunity that Parks And Recreation affords me to exploit my own soapbox agenda, which is to try to encourage people to make things with their hands.

I grew up in a small town in Illinois, and my dad was a basketball coach. Thanks to him, I have excellent fundamentals in both basketball and baseball.

I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.

If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.

Follow your gut, make a choice, and throw yourself into it. If you make a mistake, then you have merely afforded yourself a valuable lesson.

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?

Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

What inspires you to do what you do is the reason why you persist, even in the face of trouble.

I've often wished when I started a book I knew what was going to happen. I talked to writers who write 80-page outlines, and I'm just in awe of that.

I had to teach myself to let go of the conventional rock way of playing guitar and singing. Some things you wouldn't expect to work, did and some things won't ever work.

Rationality went down the drain donkey's years ago and hasn't been seen since.

The slander of some people is as great a recommendation as the praise of others.

You need a lot of different types of people to make the world better.

When I am in danger of bursting, I will go and whisper among the reeds.

Show me a character totally without anxieties and I will show you a boring book.

I'll never understand the art world. But I kind of feel like there's been some art world/black metal crossovers happening for a while.

Give me a scotch, I'm starving.